Last week, after writing my blog post, I found myself reflecting deeply on the goals I still want to achieve before the year ends. I had a moment of clarity: and came to this conclusion that "It’s not over until it’s over". I felt like shouting at the top of my lungs. Giving up is certainly not an option. No matter how close we are to the finish line of Year 2024, giving up on ourselves or the dreams we had for the year isn’t an option. This realization shouldn't just stay in the realm of personal growth; it should spill over into other areas of life, especially relationships.
Let me paint a picture for you.
A few days ago, I was watching soccer with my husband. Our team wasn’t doing great; in fact, it felt like they were asleep for the first 86 minutes of the game. It was almost the 90th minute, I’d thrown in the towel and was half-paying attention to the match. And then, it happened.
One goal.
I was intrigued. Two minutes later, another goal. I nearly fell off the couch! What they couldn’t do in the first 86 minutes, they had managed to pull off a dramatic finish. I turned to my husband and said, “Isn’t this a sermon waiting to happen?” (Yes, I’m that person—always finding life lessons in the most unexpected places!)
Why We Give Up Too Soon
Just like I gave up on my team too early, many of us give up on our marriages way too soon. Maybe you’ve been working on your relationship, trying to communicate better, praying for your spouse, or even attending counseling, but nothing seems to change. It’s easy to think, *What’s the point?*
But here’s the truth: change doesn’t always happen on our timeline. Sometimes, the breakthrough comes in the 90th minute—or even in extra time.
The Chinese Bamboo Lesson
Have you heard the story of the Chinese bamboo tree? When you plant its seed, nothing happens for the first year. Or the second. Or the third. Or the fourth. You water it faithfully, care for it, and see absolutely no visible progress. Then, in the fifth year, something incredible happens. The tree grows 80 feet tall in just six weeks!
The question is: Did it start growing in the fifth year, or was it growing all along? Of course, it was growing beneath the surface, building roots strong enough to support its massive height.
Your marriage is like that bamboo tree. Every effort you’re making—whether it’s choosing to speak kindly, scheduling date nights, seeking counseling, or simply praying—is strengthening the foundation of your relationship. Just because you don’t see immediate results doesn’t mean nothing is happening.
What Happens When You Don’t Give Up
Think about those soccer players. They didn’t stop running or fighting just because time was almost up. They stayed in the game, and it paid off. Imagine if they had stopped trying because they believed winning was impossible.
The same is true for your marriage. When you stay committed and keep showing up, things can change in ways you never imagined. Here’s what happens when you don’t give up:
1. Your Efforts Compound: Every small act of kindness, every apology, and every effort to understand your spouse adds up over time.
You Model Perseverance: Marriage isn’t just about you; it’s a testimony to others—your kids, friends, and even strangers. Your commitment can inspire others to fight for their relationships.
3. You Create Space for Miracles: Sometimes, we stop praying or believing right before the breakthrough. Staying in faith keeps the door open for God to move in unexpected ways.
Practical Steps to take to Keep Going
So, how do you keep working on your marriage when it feels like nothing’s changing? Here are some practical tips;
1. Celebrate Small Wins: Did your spouse pick up their socks today? Throw a mini-party in your head! Small changes lead to big victories.
2. Stay Curious: When was the last time you asked your spouse a question about their dreams or favorite childhood memory? Sometimes we think we know everything about them, but there’s always more to discover.
3. Laugh Together: Humor can lighten even the heaviest moments. Watch a comedy, share a funny story, or laugh about the time you lost your way when travelling.
4. Pray Boldly: Ask God to do what seems impossible. Ephesians 3:20 reminds us that He is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine.
5. Seek Support: Sometimes, you need help. Whether it’s a counselor, a mentor couple, or a trusted friend, don’t hesitate to reach out.
6. Revisit the Good Times: Flip through old photos, reread love letters, or recreate your first date. Remember why you fell in love in the first place.
The Final Whistle
As I watched that soccer match, I realized how much life mirrors the game. Sometimes we’re down and out, and it feels like there’s no hope. But the game isn’t over until the final whistle blows.
Don’t give up on your marriage. Don’t give up on your spouse. And don’t give up on the power of God to transform what seems broken. You may just be in the 86th minute, and the 90th minute breakthrough is right around the corner.
Hang in there, water your bamboo tree, and keep running the race. Victory might be closer than you think.
Let me know in the comments: What’s one small step you can take today to keep building your marriage? Or, share a “90th minute” moment where things turned around for you—I’d love to celebrate with you!
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