When it comes to arguments you have with your spouse, winning should not be the goal. While arguments are natural in any relationship, they should not always be heated or one-sided. Instead of aiming to win an argument, couples should focus on finding solutions that work for both parties and having an open dialogue to express each other's feelings. Winning an argument can result in feelings of anger or bitterness and can create a toxic environment in the household. It can also lead to habits like stonewalling or withdrawing from conversations when disagreements arise.
Keeping score in a marriage fight is never a good idea. Doing so just keeps the negative energy alive and prevents any meaningful resolution to the conflict. Instead of looking at who "wins" an argument, couples should focus on how to work together to resolve their differences in a kind, compassionate manner that makes both parties feel heard and respected. When you make an effort to understand the other person’s perspective and make them feel valued, you are more likely to be able to come up with positive solutions that can benefit your relationship in the long term.
It is important to remember that arguments don’t always have a clear winner or loser. When couples argue, they should seek understanding instead of trying to prove their point of view at all costs. Focusing on understanding each other’s viewpoints can help build trust and make a relationship stronger. It also helps to accept your own mistakes and take responsibility for them as an individual. In the end, this helps the two of you grow up as a couple.
The Bible has several passages that address how to handle misunderstandings in marriage. Proverbs 15:1 reminds us, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." This implies that couples should strive to speak kindly and gently with each other during times of conflict. In Ephesians 4:29, Paul writes, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." This passage shows the importance of speaking positively during times of disagreement and emphasizes the need for understanding and empathy in relationships.
Lastly, trying to win an argument can leave one party feeling disempowered or unheard—which is not conducive to any relationship. Listening to and validating your partner's point of view will help keep the peace at home and lead to better relationships in the long run.